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by Alan Sieler

in "Coaching to the Human Soul"

The dynamic interplay of all .. aspects of ​our existence constitutes a backdrop against which we go about everyday life. All too frequently, for many of us the relatively smooth flow of living that we desire, spiced with appropriate challenges and opportunities, is interrupted, even significantly disrupted, by occurrences in the technological, economic, social, cultural, political and environmental dimensions of our existence. The frequency and nature of such disruptions can mean that we are constantly challenged to effectively deal with them; perhaps we are successful and perhaps we sometimes have to live with a background dissatisfaction that we can never “quite get on top of things”. What can be at stake is our individual and collective wellbeing (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) and effectiveness in daily living. Persistent difficulties and frustrations in our individual and family lives, workplaces, communities and societies can point to a breakdown in the usefulness of traditional and habitual ways of thinking and taking action. Freeing ourselves from ineffective and outdated modes of thinking and behaving can be a major learning challenge. This learning endeavour is not just individual, it is collective, requiring the development of conversations that co-inspire us and generate ideas (which would not be available from solitary thinking) that translate into effective individual action and collaboration.Developing new and more effective ways of thinking and taking action is much more than learning new techniques and skills, or different systems of thinking. What is required is a fundamentally different “place” from which to think. From an ontological perspective, our thinking is inter-twined with our manner of being, or Way of Being, which is the dynamic intersection of the linguistic, emotional and somatic spaces we live from.The challenge of escaping from habitual ineffective thinking and developing more productive thinking is an issue of our manner of being. If very different ways of thinking are called for, not just variations on existing ways of thinking, then perhaps what is called for is a transformation of our being – or Way of Being. A different and potentially more fruitful place to think from occurs when we experience a transformation of our being, known as an ontological shift..

The 15 scales of the EQi


Self-Regard - Respecting oneself while understanding and accepting one’s strengths and weaknesses. Self-regard is often associated with feelings of inner strength and confidence.

Self-Actualization - The willingness to persistently try to improve oneself and engage in the pursuit of personally relevant and meaningful objectives that lead to a rich and enjoyable life.

Emotional Self-Awareness - Recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions. This includes the ability to differentiate between subtleties in one’s own emotions while understanding the cause of these emotions and the impact they have on the thoughts and actions of oneself and others.


Emotional Expression - Openly and effectively expressing one’s feelings verbally and non-verbally.

Assertiveness - Communicating feelings, beliefs and thoughts openly, and defending personal rights and values in a socially acceptable, non-offensive and non-destructive manner.

Independence - The ability to be self directed and free from emotional dependency on others. This includes being able to be autonomous in decision making, planning and completing tasks.


Interpersonal Relationships - The skill of developing and maintaining mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion.

Empathy - Recognizing, understanding, and appreciating how other people feel. Empathy involves being able to articulate your understanding of another’s perspective and behaving in a way that respects others’ feelings.

Social Responsibility - Willingly contributing to society, to one’s social groups, and generally to the welfare of others. Social Responsibility involves acting responsibly, having social consciousness, and showing concern for the greater community.

Decision Making

Problem Solving - The ability to find solutions to problems in situations where emotions are involved. Problem solving includes the ability to understand how emotions impact decision making.

Reality Testing - The capacity to remain objective by seeing things as they really are. This capacity involves recognizing when emotions or personal bias can cause one to be less objective.

Impulse Control - The ability to resist or delay an impulse, drive or temptation to act. It also involves avoiding rash behaviors and decision making.

Stress Management

Flexibility  - Adapting emotions, thoughts and behaviors to unfamiliar, unpredictable and dynamic circumstances or ideas.

Stress Tolerance - Coping with stressful or difficult situations and believing that one can manage or influence situations in a positive manner.

Optimism - An indicator of one’s positive attitude and outlook on life. It involves remaining hopeful and resilient, despite occasional setbacks.